First Love
"Hatred stirs up strife, but love covers all sins" Proverbs 10:12
My army service ended. I was demobilized and returned to my native city. Soon I received an invitation to join one of the well-known musical collectives of that time. Work in the philharmonic became the center of my life. The bohemian life—tours, concerts, admirers—drew me in ever deeper. On the other hand, growing popularity stimulated my desire to constantly improve my professional level. I devoted myself entirely to my beloved work, giving it all my time and strength. Jobs changed, I moved from group to group, climbing higher and higher on the "steps of fame."
Working in one of the leading collectives, I met a girl who would later become my wife. Sveta was a dancer in a show-ballet. We developed a close relationship. We had been seeing each other for a year. But one day, after a terrible quarrel and mutual accusations and reproaches, we decided we had to part ways...
But God had other plans for us. One night, returning from another tour, I was sleeping peacefully, recovering from an exhausting flight. It was past midnight when suddenly, in my consciousness, a voice rang out clearly, saying that I must immediately marry that girl with whom I had severed all ties, and if I did not do this, my life would end... I had never paid attention to dreams, voices, and such things, considering them the domain of the ignorant and uneducated. So this time too, jumping from bed in fear, I thought to myself: "What a nightmare I've had! Apparently, the recent tours really were stressful. Maybe it's time to unwind!"
Calming down, I fell asleep again. But two hours later, that same voice spoke to me again—with those very same words: "Hurry and marry Sveta, or you will lose EVERYTHING!" This time I jumped from bed with the feeling that I could really lose something very important and dear. I was troubled and frightened; my heart pounded at a frantic pace. My face was covered with drops of sweat; fear pierced me from top to bottom. On my own skin, I experienced what the expression "my soul went into my boots" means.
But even this time, considering what happened to be a delusion, I cursed myself bitterly. I swore to myself that tomorrow I would make an appointment with a doctor, ask for time off, and unwind before my "illness" took a more dangerous form. Drinking a glass of cold water, I made a third attempt to sleep.
Two hours later, it all repeated. But this time the voice sounded even more powerful, loud, and resonant than any, even the best, sound equipment could produce. This was no longer a suggestion, but a command—go and propose to Sveta IMMEDIATELY! In terror, I glanced at the clock: it was 6 in the morning. In my inflamed mind, in unison with the thunderous beats of my heart, ready to burst from my chest, the words continued to sound: "Go IMMEDIATELY to the philharmonic and propose to Sveta, or you will lose EVERYTHING!"
I understood I was losing my mind. What philharmonic at six in the morning?! It would be empty, nobody there, everything closed! Rehearsal wouldn't start until nine. Maybe do it during rehearsal? But at that moment I caught myself feverishly dressing, hastily pulling on everything that came to hand. "How will she react?" flashed through my head. "After our last meeting we said such things to each other..." I didn't quite understand at that moment what I was doing or why. But one thing I knew for certain: if I didn't do what the Voice commanded, I would lose forever the person I loved. Until this moment, I was afraid to admit my feelings even to myself. I ran out of the house, hailed a taxi, and rushed to the philharmonic. Imagine the surprise of the taxi driver, who at six in the morning got an order to drive to the philharmonic a person of very strange appearance, with disheveled hair and hysterical undertones in his voice. But even greater was my surprise when on the steps of the philharmonic I saw my future wife, sweetly cooing with a submarine officer!
It was clear that at the beginning of the seventh hour they were discussing anything but the weather forecast for the coming day... As it later turned out, this fellow had long been courting Sveta, but she didn't return his affection because she was friends with me. But now, with our relationship destroyed, she felt she had the right to respond to his attentions. It was today, this early morning, that he had arranged this early meeting to propose marriage! However, it was at this very moment that I appeared on the scene, tearing out of a taxi and rushing madly up the steps!
Oh, the abyss of God's wisdom! I appeared at precisely the second when Sveta was ready to pronounce the sacramental word "YES!" that would have changed our entire future life.
Realizing I needed to intervene urgently, I asked Sveta to step aside with me to discuss an "important work matter" (her cavalier's muscular build and his entire heroic appearance suggested that I couldn't win by force). Sveta sternly asked me what I wanted from her. Her gaze boded nothing good. "Isn't everything between us over?" she asked. But I, suddenly feeling a surge of courage, decided not to give in. Taking advantage of my official position (at the time I was the musical director of our ensemble, and Sveta was my subordinate), I asked her to step into the foyer to discuss "certain organizational matters." There was nothing to be done; she had to obey. Turning to her boyfriend, she said: "Wait for me, please, I'll be right back!"
We entered the foyer, where, I was sure, no one could disturb us, and there, mustering all my will, I decided to act. Everything that happened next I did by instinct, without thinking. I knelt before Sveta and asked her to forgive me for everything and... become my wife! I stood with my head bowed, awaiting her reaction. But nothing happened. When, in complete silence, I finally decided to raise my eyes to my chosen one, before my eyes lay her face, flooded with tears. And when the first shock passed, she, as is customary for women, burst into an angry tirade from which I understood that I was an insane psycho; that she didn't understand why she loved me; that if I had been a second late, she would have said "YES" to that poor fellow waiting for her on the street...
She spoke and spoke, pouring out everything that had accumulated in her heart since our breakup, and I stood silent, not understanding whether she finally agreed or not. And then, cutting off her passionate speech mid-sentence, she suddenly said, without any transition: "Yes! Yes!! YES!!!" Thousands of suns sparkled in my heart from these simple words! I never thought one could be so happy! The magical melody of the spheres sounded for us, filling our souls with wonderful harmony. But suddenly the music broke off, scattering into thousands of ringing notes across the foyer floor: we remembered that at the door stood an "ex-fiancé," tormented by waiting for an answer to his proposal. I became even sadder, glancing at myself in the nearest mirror, because, remembering the height and impressive biceps of my rival, I realized the comparison was decidedly not in my favor.
In a fist fight I would definitely lose, I decided, so I had to use my brain. And we... simply fled, using the service exit. Later, when passions subsided, we explained everything to that young man. To our fortune, it was on this very day that he received an assignment to the North and left our parts. We never met him again.
Many years have passed, but I, thinking of the past, am increasingly amazed at how remarkable is the wisdom and greatness of the Creator, who directs our world and the entire life of the people He has chosen. Only a miraculous God could position everything so precisely, predetermining the time and place of our meeting. He even took into account my unbelief at that time, even that I wouldn't respond instantly to His command (as I would do today!). The Lord miraculously united us and gave us love that has not lost its strength and freshness after thirty years of life together, has not become ordinary and habitual, but with each day is painted in new colors, becoming ever stronger and more enduring.